I remember a time
long ago
when you had hurt me
and down I go...
You broke my heart,
and I thought I was gone,
I have since recovered,
turns out, I won!
I wanted you,
wished you wanted me,
you loved her,
and I let you be...
I see your hapiness,
even if she hurt you,
I am a new person,
I hope she is too...
If she hurts you,
I don't know if I'd be there,
so for your sake,
I hope she now cares.
Since that day,
I feel new...
Like a newly born butterfly
I since flew...
I wish to see new things,
To view what seems,
impossible to others,
and see what it means.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,646 Literary Works • 672,640 Reviews
If I may correct McMourning on that last part of their post; the rhyming of "gone" and "done" is a visual rhyming, such as 'grown' and 'gown'. It sometimes throws off the rhythm of the poem, but as I've seen in many poems by famous poets, that's a common trend.
To Miss twilight tiger, this is another wonderful poem! The flow of it is great, and I commend you on a successful use of visual rhyming skills, it didn't harm the flow of the poem at all! I absolutely love your poems! They're amazing!
Wow.
I like that it starts out sad, but turns to peaceful. That's not something I've seen very often.
I see why the verb tense changes, but I think you can use the correct tense and still keep the flow.
when you would hurt me
and down I'd go...
This doesn't quite rhyme. "Gone" should be "done."
I only found these two small problems. Congrats!
--McMourning
I really like this, it is very deep. I think I like it so much because I can relate to this right now. I am in the same situation and I am sorry you had to deal with this.